A lovely insightful posting about grief. Grief and letting-go seem like natural companions and recently I've found that regrets (or rather trying not to have regrets about the past) is a close companion too. But when I sit and think of loving myself unconditionally, (believing I am loved unconditionally by some greater universal force/Being - so who am I to argue), then regrets seem to fizzle out - and yet grief stays. Perhaps they are on different levels, are different types of experience. By all accounts Jesus was "a man of sorrows acquainted with grief" which maybe points to grief being a deep part of our soul-journey.
Oh, thank you Joshua! I love this! More questions to live! Yes, I would even say not only believing that I am loved unconditionally but also feeling, sensing, "knowing" (not with the mind), that I AM Love. And yes to this, regret doesn't stay when we zoom out to see the bigger picture as we understand the lesson in the retrospective. I wonder if grief simply is a void that we then desperately try to fill. A void that will eventually will fill, but that takes time to fill. Like a tooth that we lose, that leaves a gap that we always feel with our tongue. At some point we become familiar with this gap and then we don't consciously notice it. Eventually it will grow, but some gaps might stay forever. Just our way to think about it shifts from "I wish it still was there" to "it was such a lovely tooth".
Of late I've been trying to hold the question "how will my experience of life change if I love myself unconditionally?". Well, it's love without conditions, including not keeping a 'record of wrongs' {and other aspects listed in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I don't claim to be a christian but it's a useful checklist :) }
Anyway, one change so far is that by maintaining a better relationship with myself in the self-acceptance, self-love department, I find I can 'let go' of trying to 'make things happen' (perhaps it's a man thing) - and I am more open (and intrigued and curious) to "let the right thing do itself" and see what transpires. (This is currently being put to a severe test regarding the sale (or not) of a house).
Oh wow, thank you for sharing! I believe that the relationship to ourselves is the most important one. For me everything shifted when I noticed that I am loveable at my core without needing to do anything for it. And yes, after knowing this concept I had to integrate it by experiencing it and it is a huge challenge as I am facing this right now with being self-employed and following my passion. Isn't it wonderful to be able to live those questions? Letting go and letting be for me are intertwined. The sale of a house sounds like a big change, that for sure is a huge test. How does the letting go and letting be show up for you in that decision?
Re house-sale: "How does the letting go and letting be show up for you in that decision?" ... It's very current, spending over an hour today to write/compose a short email in response to another email concerning the sale. 'Letting go and letting be' shows up in speaking with integrity for myself, holding my ground, and trying to do so without fear of the response. I have to say I knew my email would result in a swift response and I did not want to open my computer and see it in my inbox. Strange fear. But I did, 10 minutes ago, and it was not as 'bad' as I had feared. Perhaps we (I) tend to fear the story in our head more than the reality of what happens. We think "what if...?", but not so much "what if not...?"
In that sense 'letting be' requires dealing with fear, otherwise one intervenes in a fear-based manner in the divine process of "letting the right thing do itself" and the result is 'less' than spirit could have achieved if we hadn't fear-fiddled with it all. And so we move from one sub-optimal experience to the next. That's where loving oneself unconditionally kicks in.
I'm not sure if this makes sense; I'm thinking out loud. I have a deeply rooted belief that if I get out of the way in the right way, yet not shy away from taking actions of integrity no matter how uncomfortable it feels in the moment, then I open a door for spirit to operate optimally in life. The house happens to be a holiday house (not where we live) which lessens the critical nature of the situation. Nevertheless, the story in my head is that I need to sell it in order to have money, time & energy to focus on other priorities (I'm 68 and aware time is ticking). This is all a 'live' experiment where the rubber hits the road of spirit in matter. I'm curious and intrigued. I'm both an actor and observer in the emerging film of what happens next with this house thing. I'm not sure if I'm making the right decisions. Life is trial and error (which generally means lots of trials and lots of errors) -- but through it all there's that opportunity to grow in consciousness. This planet is boot-camp earth-school. And home-work is 'real stuff' like selling a house (or you moving to Ireland, and I'm sure you have experienced something similar). Apologies for rambling -- and congrats on the book. Cheers, Josh.
Josh, thank you so much for sharing your rambles with me! I truly appreciate it! Sounds like an exciting journey. I am learning about manifesting and getting out of the way so that the universe can work its magic as well at the moment. It always seems harder with the things that are important to me. I guess, that's exactly the reason why I am in the way, in the end, because I want it too much. :-D Time is a funny thing. Yesterday I experienced a day in full flow. I accomplished so much and in the end didn't have a feeling that I did much. When I listed it all I realised that it was really much. Today, I was aware that my time was a bit restrained as I had to do some shopping in between. Also, I woke up later than I wanted to, which stayed on my mind the whole day, although I tried to tell myself that it is okay. I guess the root of the issue is the lackful thinking. Lack of time, lack of accomplishments, lack of so many things ... I tried to switch my thoughts to have lots of time, but honestly, it works better if I not think about time at all. What I have learned about manifesting and going with the flow is: 1. Feeling good is the most important thing. 2. Feeling how it would feel like to already live the dream. 3. Being aware that it actually doesn't matter because it is on the outside and we already have everything we need. 4. Imagining the feeling we want to have instead of focusing on how it will look like. In your case that would mean: how would it feel like when the house is sold and you can use the money for other things, I guess. How would your life feel like if the money was already taken care of? Listening to our inner voice is a practice. So yes to boot-camp earth school! I can truly say that, especially when you follow the call to make a big change. All I can do is trust. I love my mantra: Everything is always working out for me. One last question, because I am curious (if it's not too personal): Would you rather keep the house if there weren't other important priorities? Lots of Love, Sadhbh
Extra reply to yesterday's comment. I woke up this morning with clarity. I accept my mortality and the house has to be sold. I think my yesterday's rambling helped me take the question into the dream-space -- so I thank you for that opportunity. All blessings to you, Josh.
Thank you again for further commenting. The more I go on, the more I realise one has to discern finer and finer nuances when it comes to 'getting out of the way' to let spirit manifest optimally. Responding to some of your points: Sometimes life requires a difficult-to-say "No", or even "I'll think about it" and it does not feel good in the moment. I would say "Feeling energised is the most important thing". It's energising to face a difficult conversation but it doesn't feel good in the moment - maybe afterwards. I agree with imagining and feeling how you would feel when such-snd-such is completed is important; feeling-states are a powerful part of manifestation - but I'm also aware of one of the Dalai Lama's comments that sometimes we never know what we have been saved from by NOT getting what we wanted.
Which brings me to the house sale. It's the time and energy to look after it that I wish to relieve myself of. The house itself is a manifestation of a dream from 25 years prior to buying it - which was to own a house with an amazing view - which it certainly has. Plus old granite house, 70 olive trees, many cork-oaks, fruit trees we planted, yurt-pad, plunge-pool we had built, and and and. So part of it for me is letting go of a phase in life and accepting I'm getting older. People stay in it for free and the exchange is to help look after it. But it still needs managing. I admit I have thought that if I had managed to find the right people to live there, (and I wasn't such a worrier), then I'd keep it. The sale hangs in the balance. I'm trying to let the right thing do itself. It could go either way. At which point, what do I actually want to manifest? It's not a material thing, it's a subjective feeling thing - inner peace, and energy to pursue other creative projects. As you've might surmise from all this, I'm probably not sufficiently clear. Wisdom would be a wonderful thing. :)
In the meantime, you absolutely belong here, in Subland, and you belong to yourself and the Universe. You are not losing where you belong, you are expanding it to new frontiers, never before explored. So glad we crossed paths! XO
Thank you for saying this. Yes, I agree, we belong to ourselves and the universe. I totally feel that too. Yet I have come to observe that the human part of me still likes to belong. I guess that is the ego wanting the familiar and some childhood wounds of not being the "norm". It is an undressing of layers of conditions.
Oh, sweetheart! I'm sorry for the childhood wounds - I totally get this. Celebrate the uniqueness and beauty of being yourself!! Please. The world needs you!! I totally let my freak flag fly and it absolutely works; I have never been happier. Loving myself so fiercely and wholly has meant that I attract love and people to me and they are lovely people vibrating at similar frequencies. I promise you!
Now I hope you DO visit here someday because I can hold space for another amazingly well and I am a phenomenal hugger. I will hug the stuffing out of you :-) Thanks for subscribing!!! XO
I'm sure I will get there SOME day!! And I will enjoy it immensely, I know. So far, the furthest I have traveled, and it has been a while, is Rome. I will go there again sometime and visit the country more and go to a few other places in Italy I didn't get to see, like Sardinia.
I am from the great and beautiful Pacific Northwest in the US. Where are you, before your move?
Oh yes, when you get here you can only enjoy it. Ireland is charming. I love Italy as well. I lived in Germany before I moved. I have been to the US before but not this part! Am looking forward to visiting the area some day!
Beautiful words and pictures!! You really do need to read The Body Keeps Score, it is a great read! Though you should absolutely feel your grief, you are never in a place where you don't belong. And there are all new opportunities and possibilities in a new place - how exciting! I would love to move to Ireland!! Thanks for sharing. XO
Thank you so much for reading! Yes, I will definitely get to the book at some point! Oh, this adventure is so exciting. Ireland is such a beauty! It takes a bit to soothe the human nervous system and yes, seeing the possibilities instead of limitations is my daily mantra! Thanks for your encouragement!
I love the way your photos illustrate your beautiful words. I feel the seasons changing and the anticipatory grief of the last leaves falling, although that’s months away. This: “You can’t bring back the buds
Thank you for your excitement, Shelly! I am excited as well, what a journey! And yes, I really feel those lines, especially lately (although they came through me last year actually), once we step on the path, it just unfolds.
Oh wow, thank you. Epic. That is so kind! Yes, writing this made me truly think of you and your writings on Living the Questions! Thank you for leading away with self-publishing a book and sharing the wor(l)ds!
A lovely insightful posting about grief. Grief and letting-go seem like natural companions and recently I've found that regrets (or rather trying not to have regrets about the past) is a close companion too. But when I sit and think of loving myself unconditionally, (believing I am loved unconditionally by some greater universal force/Being - so who am I to argue), then regrets seem to fizzle out - and yet grief stays. Perhaps they are on different levels, are different types of experience. By all accounts Jesus was "a man of sorrows acquainted with grief" which maybe points to grief being a deep part of our soul-journey.
Oh, thank you Joshua! I love this! More questions to live! Yes, I would even say not only believing that I am loved unconditionally but also feeling, sensing, "knowing" (not with the mind), that I AM Love. And yes to this, regret doesn't stay when we zoom out to see the bigger picture as we understand the lesson in the retrospective. I wonder if grief simply is a void that we then desperately try to fill. A void that will eventually will fill, but that takes time to fill. Like a tooth that we lose, that leaves a gap that we always feel with our tongue. At some point we become familiar with this gap and then we don't consciously notice it. Eventually it will grow, but some gaps might stay forever. Just our way to think about it shifts from "I wish it still was there" to "it was such a lovely tooth".
Of late I've been trying to hold the question "how will my experience of life change if I love myself unconditionally?". Well, it's love without conditions, including not keeping a 'record of wrongs' {and other aspects listed in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I don't claim to be a christian but it's a useful checklist :) }
Anyway, one change so far is that by maintaining a better relationship with myself in the self-acceptance, self-love department, I find I can 'let go' of trying to 'make things happen' (perhaps it's a man thing) - and I am more open (and intrigued and curious) to "let the right thing do itself" and see what transpires. (This is currently being put to a severe test regarding the sale (or not) of a house).
Oh wow, thank you for sharing! I believe that the relationship to ourselves is the most important one. For me everything shifted when I noticed that I am loveable at my core without needing to do anything for it. And yes, after knowing this concept I had to integrate it by experiencing it and it is a huge challenge as I am facing this right now with being self-employed and following my passion. Isn't it wonderful to be able to live those questions? Letting go and letting be for me are intertwined. The sale of a house sounds like a big change, that for sure is a huge test. How does the letting go and letting be show up for you in that decision?
Re house-sale: "How does the letting go and letting be show up for you in that decision?" ... It's very current, spending over an hour today to write/compose a short email in response to another email concerning the sale. 'Letting go and letting be' shows up in speaking with integrity for myself, holding my ground, and trying to do so without fear of the response. I have to say I knew my email would result in a swift response and I did not want to open my computer and see it in my inbox. Strange fear. But I did, 10 minutes ago, and it was not as 'bad' as I had feared. Perhaps we (I) tend to fear the story in our head more than the reality of what happens. We think "what if...?", but not so much "what if not...?"
In that sense 'letting be' requires dealing with fear, otherwise one intervenes in a fear-based manner in the divine process of "letting the right thing do itself" and the result is 'less' than spirit could have achieved if we hadn't fear-fiddled with it all. And so we move from one sub-optimal experience to the next. That's where loving oneself unconditionally kicks in.
I'm not sure if this makes sense; I'm thinking out loud. I have a deeply rooted belief that if I get out of the way in the right way, yet not shy away from taking actions of integrity no matter how uncomfortable it feels in the moment, then I open a door for spirit to operate optimally in life. The house happens to be a holiday house (not where we live) which lessens the critical nature of the situation. Nevertheless, the story in my head is that I need to sell it in order to have money, time & energy to focus on other priorities (I'm 68 and aware time is ticking). This is all a 'live' experiment where the rubber hits the road of spirit in matter. I'm curious and intrigued. I'm both an actor and observer in the emerging film of what happens next with this house thing. I'm not sure if I'm making the right decisions. Life is trial and error (which generally means lots of trials and lots of errors) -- but through it all there's that opportunity to grow in consciousness. This planet is boot-camp earth-school. And home-work is 'real stuff' like selling a house (or you moving to Ireland, and I'm sure you have experienced something similar). Apologies for rambling -- and congrats on the book. Cheers, Josh.
Josh, thank you so much for sharing your rambles with me! I truly appreciate it! Sounds like an exciting journey. I am learning about manifesting and getting out of the way so that the universe can work its magic as well at the moment. It always seems harder with the things that are important to me. I guess, that's exactly the reason why I am in the way, in the end, because I want it too much. :-D Time is a funny thing. Yesterday I experienced a day in full flow. I accomplished so much and in the end didn't have a feeling that I did much. When I listed it all I realised that it was really much. Today, I was aware that my time was a bit restrained as I had to do some shopping in between. Also, I woke up later than I wanted to, which stayed on my mind the whole day, although I tried to tell myself that it is okay. I guess the root of the issue is the lackful thinking. Lack of time, lack of accomplishments, lack of so many things ... I tried to switch my thoughts to have lots of time, but honestly, it works better if I not think about time at all. What I have learned about manifesting and going with the flow is: 1. Feeling good is the most important thing. 2. Feeling how it would feel like to already live the dream. 3. Being aware that it actually doesn't matter because it is on the outside and we already have everything we need. 4. Imagining the feeling we want to have instead of focusing on how it will look like. In your case that would mean: how would it feel like when the house is sold and you can use the money for other things, I guess. How would your life feel like if the money was already taken care of? Listening to our inner voice is a practice. So yes to boot-camp earth school! I can truly say that, especially when you follow the call to make a big change. All I can do is trust. I love my mantra: Everything is always working out for me. One last question, because I am curious (if it's not too personal): Would you rather keep the house if there weren't other important priorities? Lots of Love, Sadhbh
Extra reply to yesterday's comment. I woke up this morning with clarity. I accept my mortality and the house has to be sold. I think my yesterday's rambling helped me take the question into the dream-space -- so I thank you for that opportunity. All blessings to you, Josh.
Thank you again for further commenting. The more I go on, the more I realise one has to discern finer and finer nuances when it comes to 'getting out of the way' to let spirit manifest optimally. Responding to some of your points: Sometimes life requires a difficult-to-say "No", or even "I'll think about it" and it does not feel good in the moment. I would say "Feeling energised is the most important thing". It's energising to face a difficult conversation but it doesn't feel good in the moment - maybe afterwards. I agree with imagining and feeling how you would feel when such-snd-such is completed is important; feeling-states are a powerful part of manifestation - but I'm also aware of one of the Dalai Lama's comments that sometimes we never know what we have been saved from by NOT getting what we wanted.
Which brings me to the house sale. It's the time and energy to look after it that I wish to relieve myself of. The house itself is a manifestation of a dream from 25 years prior to buying it - which was to own a house with an amazing view - which it certainly has. Plus old granite house, 70 olive trees, many cork-oaks, fruit trees we planted, yurt-pad, plunge-pool we had built, and and and. So part of it for me is letting go of a phase in life and accepting I'm getting older. People stay in it for free and the exchange is to help look after it. But it still needs managing. I admit I have thought that if I had managed to find the right people to live there, (and I wasn't such a worrier), then I'd keep it. The sale hangs in the balance. I'm trying to let the right thing do itself. It could go either way. At which point, what do I actually want to manifest? It's not a material thing, it's a subjective feeling thing - inner peace, and energy to pursue other creative projects. As you've might surmise from all this, I'm probably not sufficiently clear. Wisdom would be a wonderful thing. :)
Ireland really is beautiful, from what I've seen.
In the meantime, you absolutely belong here, in Subland, and you belong to yourself and the Universe. You are not losing where you belong, you are expanding it to new frontiers, never before explored. So glad we crossed paths! XO
Thank you for saying this. Yes, I agree, we belong to ourselves and the universe. I totally feel that too. Yet I have come to observe that the human part of me still likes to belong. I guess that is the ego wanting the familiar and some childhood wounds of not being the "norm". It is an undressing of layers of conditions.
Oh, sweetheart! I'm sorry for the childhood wounds - I totally get this. Celebrate the uniqueness and beauty of being yourself!! Please. The world needs you!! I totally let my freak flag fly and it absolutely works; I have never been happier. Loving myself so fiercely and wholly has meant that I attract love and people to me and they are lovely people vibrating at similar frequencies. I promise you!
Now I hope you DO visit here someday because I can hold space for another amazingly well and I am a phenomenal hugger. I will hug the stuffing out of you :-) Thanks for subscribing!!! XO
Oh the childhood wounds only helped me to become who I am! :-) I am sure the universe will orchestrate well for all of us Substackers to meet one day.
Yay! That's the right answer :-) Totally resonates with me, too! XO
I'm sure I will get there SOME day!! And I will enjoy it immensely, I know. So far, the furthest I have traveled, and it has been a while, is Rome. I will go there again sometime and visit the country more and go to a few other places in Italy I didn't get to see, like Sardinia.
I am from the great and beautiful Pacific Northwest in the US. Where are you, before your move?
Oh yes, when you get here you can only enjoy it. Ireland is charming. I love Italy as well. I lived in Germany before I moved. I have been to the US before but not this part! Am looking forward to visiting the area some day!
Well, be sure and let me know if you do, and I will be your tour guide! XO
BEAUTIFUL!! I love your writing and the pictures you included to enhance your meaning, Sadhbh.
Congrats on your poetry book, too!
Oh, thank you so much, Jacqueline! I am very excited about the book, it is such a heART project for me!
Beautiful words and pictures!! You really do need to read The Body Keeps Score, it is a great read! Though you should absolutely feel your grief, you are never in a place where you don't belong. And there are all new opportunities and possibilities in a new place - how exciting! I would love to move to Ireland!! Thanks for sharing. XO
Thank you so much for reading! Yes, I will definitely get to the book at some point! Oh, this adventure is so exciting. Ireland is such a beauty! It takes a bit to soothe the human nervous system and yes, seeing the possibilities instead of limitations is my daily mantra! Thanks for your encouragement!
Ireland is truly worth the travel! Where are you from?
I love the way your photos illustrate your beautiful words. I feel the seasons changing and the anticipatory grief of the last leaves falling, although that’s months away. This: “You can’t bring back the buds
of new beginnings
when the process is on its way
to unfolding.” Thank you!
Can’t wait for your book! 🤗
Thank you for your excitement, Shelly! I am excited as well, what a journey! And yes, I really feel those lines, especially lately (although they came through me last year actually), once we step on the path, it just unfolds.
Living the Questions. Letting Go. Grief.
Great writing that all leads to an epic poem Seasons of the Soul! Well done Sadhbh!
Wow 🙏❤️
Oh wow, thank you. Epic. That is so kind! Yes, writing this made me truly think of you and your writings on Living the Questions! Thank you for leading away with self-publishing a book and sharing the wor(l)ds!